Before our family began walking with the Community, I honestly did not have a devotion to the Sacred Heart. Throughout my life, I have prayed the little prayers at church and seen the paintings etc. but for some reason, I had little desire to know what the image of Jesus and his burning heart symbolized. When I was in my mid twenties, I learned that the Sacred Heart was not so much about my devotion to Jesus but his devotion to ME. It was not about what I could give him, but what He desired to give to me, His own heart. The intensity and vulnerability of Jesus’ love frightened me and I was unable to receive.
About two years ago (Before meeting the Community), I experienced God’s love in a new way and a calling to deeper conversion. Soon after, I began writing music and singing after a long dry period. I was led to write in a way I had never written before. A common theme that threaded through most of what I wrote referred to the HEART, to purification by Fire, and receptivity to love. At the time I did not quite understand why I was compelled to write this way. When we began to discern with the Emmanuel Community, the Sacred Heart of Jesus made its way back into my life.
This time, I tried to keep my heart open to Him and the songs I had been writing have begun to make sense. They are an ongoing prayer, an invitation to Jesus and a request for grace to surrender and receive love from His Sacred Heart. This remains a daily struggle, surrender and receptivity, but I truly believe that if singing to God is praying twice, that what comes out of my mouth speaks of what is true in my heart.
Jeremy and I had the opportunity to visit Paray-le-Monial in August. When I entered the chapel where Jesus appeared to St. Margaret Mary Some of my walls went up and my fears began to surface. I tried my best just to sit with Jesus in my inability to receive and offered what I could. I experienced peace. The next day, the Chaplain of the Basilica gave us a tour and shared a small presentation about the devotion to the Sacred Heart. Something he said has stuck with me. I continue to recall it in prayer when I experience difficulty in receiving God’s love. He said “People are welcome to come to Paray-le-Monial just to rest on the heart of Jesus.” Surrendering my inability to receive as I want to or to love Him as I would like is enough when it is all I have to give. It is the most honest gift I have to give. I am free to rest on His heart.
I am currently reading the autobiography of Margaret Mary. I found this to be so comforting and hopefully to you all as well. She wrote: His Sacred Heart will do everything for me if I let Him. He shall will, He shall love, He shall desire for me and make up for all my faults.
St. Margaret Mary, Pray for us!
Love and Prayers,