Before our family began walking with the Community, I honestly did not have a devotion to the Sacred Heart. Throughout my life, I have prayed the little prayers at church and seen the paintings etc. but for some reason, I had little desire to know what the image of Jesus and his burning heart symbolized. When I was in my mid twenties, I learned that the Sacred Heart was not so much about my devotion to Jesus but his devotion to ME. It was not about what I could give him, but what He desired to give to me, His own heart. The intensity and vulnerability of Jesus’ love frightened me and I was unable to receive.
About two years ago (Before meeting the Community), I experienced God’s love in a new way and a calling to deeper conversion. Soon after, I began writing music and singing after a long dry period. I was led to write in a way I had never written before. A common theme that threaded through most of what I wrote referred to the HEART, to purification by Fire, and receptivity to love. At the time I did not quite understand why I was compelled to write this way. When we began to discern with the Emmanuel Community, the Sacred Heart of Jesus made its way back into my life.
This time, I tried to keep my heart open to Him and the songs I had been writing have begun to make sense. They are an ongoing prayer, an invitation to Jesus and a request for grace to surrender and receive love from His Sacred Heart. This remains a daily struggle, surrender and receptivity, but I truly believe that if singing to God is praying twice, that what comes out of my mouth speaks of what is true in my heart.
Jeremy and I had the opportunity to visit Paray-le-Monial in August. When I entered the chapel where Jesus appeared to St. Margaret Mary Some of my walls went up and my fears began to surface. I tried my best just to sit with Jesus in my inability to receive and offered what I could. I experienced peace. The next day, the Chaplain of the Basilica gave us a tour and shared a small presentation about the devotion to the Sacred Heart. Something he said has stuck with me. I continue to recall it in prayer when I experience difficulty in receiving God’s love. He said “People are welcome to come to Paray-le-Monial just to rest on the heart of Jesus.” Surrendering my inability to receive as I want to or to love Him as I would like is enough when it is all I have to give. It is the most honest gift I have to give. I am free to rest on His heart.
I am currently reading the autobiography of Margaret Mary. I found this to be so comforting and hopefully to you all as well. She wrote: His Sacred Heart will do everything for me if I let Him. He shall will, He shall love, He shall desire for me and make up for all my faults.
St. Margaret Mary, Pray for us!
Love and Prayers,
Autumn (MN)
Great timing to read this on Margaret Mary’s feast day, October 16! Thanks for sharing, Autumn. I pray that we can all learn to rest in His heart.
Thank you, Autumn! Both beautiful and very helpful. I have shared what you wrote. God bless you and the family!
Dear Autumn, Thanks a lot for your very moving post. And thanks for the beautiful musical moment this July at our retreat.
The image you chose to illustrate the post is so beautiful, do you know who painted it and where it comes from? Thanks a lot,
Eva
Glory to God! Thank you! This image moved me so deeply. Isn’t in amazing? I saw it on a poster in Paray. It is called Le Sacre Coeur by Maurice Denis. God bless you!
Thank you for your testimony!
This is exactly what I needed to show me a path of faith and hope in times of deep struggle…
God bless.
Beautiful testimony. I can relate to this much…I will try to rest on the heart of Jesus too!!!