As a typical millennial, I have a huge commitment problem.
“Let’s hang out this weekend!” My typical response, “Let me see how I feel.”
“Want to grab lunch next week?” My typical response, “I could be free, I’ll let you know.”
“Will you marry me?” My response, “Can I let you know later?” JUST KIDDING.
All jokes aside, it was an incredibly difficult decision to make a step of commitment into the community. I had known of the community since 2007 and completed a year of the School of Mission in Rome in 2009. However, even then I wasn’t ready to take another step into the community.
It wasn’t until 2016 that I finally took an initial step of “Welcome and Discernment” into the Emmanuel Community. It was a very spur-of-the-moment decision. Still very much prompted by the Holy Spirit, but not one that I had completely thought out before. However, this next step of commitment took a lot longer.
I had a lot on my mind in discerning: What does belonging to this community really mean? What if one day I don’t want to belong? What if the community is too demanding? How do I try to explain this to other people?
Instead of God giving me immediate responses or just an emotional high, the Holy Spirit just kept prompting me forward. More time spent with brothers and sisters. More joy in focusing on the charisms of evangelization, adoration and compassion. More grace in growing to love Jesus as Emmanuel. And even in the midst of so many questions, it was clear that God was calling me to trust Him in taking my step forward.
This last retreat, I took a seemingly hesitant step of commitment into the Emmanuel Community. While I don’t have it all figured out, I realized it’s a grace to step into an unknown. In the end, committing the Emmanuel Community is far more about what God will do for me than what I will do for God! Thank you, Jesus for you endless mercy!